You were no longer beside me
When I woke up in the middle of the night,
With an imprint of your body on my bed
And your scent still lingering in my head.
Head, yes, for a while there I almost lost my head
Because you were nowhere near –
Not in the bathroom taking a shower,
Not in the kitchen cooking eggs.
Eggs with yolks all runny and golden the way I like them
Or lightly scrambled with some chives on top.
Top, yes, I was remembering those chives
When reality hit me like a hang-over
that tastes sour in the mouth.
Mouth that utters almost wondrously
About how you are finally gone.
Gone not because you wished to be free of me,
But because I let you go.
Go to a place where I don’t care to know.
Know about how you will fare without me
Is none of my business anymore, but it did
Make me remember what happened last night.
Night of the day, I threw you out.
Out of the blue, I ended you.
You, who could not stop whining
About why I could never wear my hair long.
Long before I let you go, I started hating the way
You always complained about the weather
When you never even seemed to go out
To water my plants.
Plants that have long withered like my tolerance
Of your bullshit and of how there are things
You never seem to have the time to do.
Do, like get a job or clean the house
Or do the laundry, while I am out earning money.
Money that you always seem to ask from me
Like I owe you for being in my life.
My life that I now have realized
Became more troubled almost the minute
I called you mine.
Mine was our endearment for each other
And the moment, you said it, I was blinded.
Blinded by your caresses and your kisses
That used to wake me up in the morning.
Mornings of aromatic scents of coffee
And the best breakfasts in bed.
Bed, where we stayed most of the time
When you persuaded me to play hooky
And I took time off for the day.
Day that turn to night, when we did almost nothing
But spend time knowing each other’s bodies.
Bodies that seem to sing together
When your fevered skin touched my own.
Own it, that’s what I told myself when I finally understood
That I was already being a fool.
Fool to have let you make me believe
That love or lust is all there is to life.
Life, yes, my life – I took it back and made it
My own again when I decided to finally let you go.
Go somewhere far, so I will never see you again.
Again, in the future, I will find love,
But I will never let myself fall the way I did with you.