A Walking Suicide Note

nimbus clouds like looming suicide

She exists
and persists
with a nimbus cloud
hovering
over her head,
filled with
notions of death
and self-disgust
that prevents her
from shutting
her eyes at night –
for sleep
makes
the nightmares
too real,
the horrors
tangible enough
to wind
her springs tight.

She smiles
and laughs
to hide
mirthless eyes
that speak
of her fear,
her abhorrence
of herself
and what
she has become –
not letting
people know
how she’s got
bags of sand,
weighing
her down
as much as
the cries
she stifles
with such
sorrowful
fright.

She’s a walking
question mark –
a suicide note
long set aside
yet already verging
on sending out
too many
hurtful goodbyes.

©Leigh_2018

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