You Have No Idea

kids - you have no idea

You have no idea.
You have no idea how much
I despise myself when my demons
make their way into the surface
and turn me into the monster
I don’t want to become.
You have no idea how much
I regret raising my voice at you
and creating such hurt and sadness
in your gentle eyes, making you
turn away and cower in fear.
You have no idea how much
I long to save you from myself –
how I dig my nails into my skin
so, I can focus on the pain and
stop from terrorizing your little heart.
You have no idea how hard it is for
me to keep on living just so I can spare
you from the pain of losing, yet hurting
you just the same when you get to
face the monster I have become.
You have no idea how much
my decision to live for you
is slowly eating at me, killing me
excruciatingly day by day, and
harshly tearing us apart.
You have no idea, my little one,
because my inner turmoil is nothing
compared to my love for you and
I’d gladly suffer if I can save you
from my monster’s ugly truth.

 

©Leigh_2018

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